Recently an eight-year-old girl named Carolina wrote a letter to a newspaper asking what many of us have been thinking for the last two years. As children do, her letter was blunt and to the point.
Dear Sirs,
My parents invited some of their wacky, wrong-headed liberal friends over to dinner in the unifying spirit of the season. These liberals looked down their noses at my parents and like the elites they are, thought they knew more than my parents and ridiculed them for their support of our President. I even overheard them say that we did not have a President. Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’ But I am not sure what to believe anymore. Please tell me the truth: Is there a President?
The letter made its way to editor Frank Alter with the annotation that due to the vital importance of the question, his response would be published post haste. Frank was overcome by anxiety, he wanted to reassure Carolina as best he could and he spent several days formulating his response. He embarked on exhaustive research, but deadlines are indeed cruel mistresses and the more he pondered, the more his anxiety rose. He recalled recent events, thinking he may find guidance for his thoughts.
Maybe the withdrawal of troops from Syria could provide some inspiration. As announced by 45 an immediate and complete removal of all American forces shows great decisiveness on the part of the Commander in Chief. In announcing the withdrawal 45 tweeted:
“We have defeated ISIS in Syria, my only reason for being there during the Trump Presidency.”
After a collective WTF from the entire civilized world, we got this:
“I just had a long and productive call with President @RT_Erdogan of Turkey. We discussed ISIS, our mutual involvement in Syria, & the slow & highly coordinated pullout of U.S. troops from the area. After many years they are coming home. We also discussed heavily expanded Trade.”
This was not helpful, just confusing: was it going to be immediate and complete or slow and highly coordinated? He better look elsewhere.
Secretary of Defense General Mattis so strongly disagreed with this decision that he submitted his resignation effective at the end of February. His strongly worded letter of resignation once it became public, hurt the feelings of 45 so he made another bold leadership decision via twitter.
“I am pleased to announce that our very talented Deputy Secret art of Defense, Patrick Shanahan, will assume the title of Acting Secretary of Defense starting January 1, 2019….He will be great!”
This sounds familiar, Mr. Alter thought. Then he remembered what happened when 45 selected Mattis for the job in the first place. 45 was at a rally in Cincinnati on December 1, 2016:
“We are going to appoint “Mad Dog” Mattis as Secretary of Defense but we are not announcing it until Monday so don’t tell anybody. Mad Dog, he’s great, he is great.”
Another dead-end! With this guy you are great until you are not. Hey, the economy is good maybe there is something there we can use. On November 1, 2017, 45 announced his pick as Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Jerome Powell”
“He’s strong, he’s committed, he’s smart, I am confident that with Jay as a wise steward of the Federal Reserve, it will have the leadership it needs in the years to come.”
But a year later the stock market began to go in the wrong direction for a President in perpetual campaign mode. There must be a reason outside the White House for this, no way this could have anything to do with the steady unwavering leadership of 45. Here we go again and this on Christmas Eve.
“The only problem our economy has is the Fed. They don’t have a feel for the Market, they don’t understand necessary Trade Wars or Strong Dollars or even Democrat Shutdowns over Borders. The Fed is like a powerful golfer who can’t score because he has no touch – he can’t putt!”
Great golf analogy, but just in case, let’s direct Steve Mnuchin to speak with the bankers and clam this thing down even more. Never mind that he is in Mexico enjoying his hard-earned millions. Being a dutiful acolyte, he talked with the bankers about liquidity, which has not been an issue in this country since the housing crisis of 2008. Nobody talking about it, not even on anybody’s radar until he brought it up. Does he know something the rest of us don’t’, he is after all Secretary of the Treasury.
The result of this was the Dow falling almost 700 points on Monday the 24thin just a half day of trading. Thank God they closed early.
Later that night 45, with visions of sugarplums dancing in his head made a call to a seven-year-old American as part of the NORAD Santa tracking program. During the conversation 45 asked the child if he still believed in Santa Claus, “seven is marginal, right?”At this point our hero became exasperated. His wastepaper basket was overflowing and he felt as if his head was going to explode. How did we get here? What could he tell a young 8-year-old American? How could he reassure her? Who would reassure him, for that matter? His challenge seemed insurmountable, he was not up to the task and for the first time in his long an illustrious career, he felt he was about fail.
Finally, Frank Alter picked up his pen, a flash of inspiration came to him, his pen had never failed him. He penned the only possible response. It was destined to become a classic.
“Yes, Carolina, there is a Santa Claus!”
Merry Christmas and let’s hope, Happy New Year.