John Kellogg was a doctor, nutritionist and ardent supporter of the clean-living movement in the late 19th century. He was the director of the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan which had been founded by the Seventh-day Adventist Church. His medical training, coupled with his Adventist beliefs resulted in his being ahead of his time in regards to the connection between intestinal bacterial and overall health.
He was a proponent of “biologic living” which included exercise, sun-bathing, temperance and sexual abstinence (a bridge too far?). With the assistance of his brother Will, he developed a processed corn product that he called corn flakes. They started a company called the Sanitas Food Company in 1897, but in 1908 changed the name to Kellogg Food Company. Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were a revolutionary product, one of those rare inventions that literally changed the course of history. Breakfast in America was changed forever.
The election held on November 6, instant, was, as far as I was concerned, one of the most important in my lifetime and I was determined to do my part and have my voice heard. If the results showed anything at all it was that the country remains deeply divided. Being resolute in my yearning for a reunified America I went to the polls early. I wanted to memorialize the occasion due to the extreme importance of this election, so I had the wife snap some pics. This is me prior to entering the polls.
After casting my vote, I went to the car, ripped off that stupid little sticker they give you, put my hair up into a man bun, had the wife take a likeness and walked right back in.
After voting for only the second time this day, I went to the car, ripped off that stupid little sticker, put on a hat, had the wife snap some pics and walked right back in.
After voting for the third time, I must admit I was getting tired, but my resolution overcame my fatigue, so I went to the car, ripped off that stupid little sticker, applied my fake mustache and goatee, had the wife snap some pics and walked right back in.
After voting for only the fourth time, I was spent, yet I was confident in the performance of my civic duty, so I went to the store, used my ID to buy some corn flakes and retired to bedlam.
Imagine my surprise when I read an interview our President gave to the Daily Caller on Wednesday November 14:
“The Republicans don’t win and that’s because of potentially illegal votes. When people get in line that have absolutely no right to vote and they go around in circles. Sometimes they go to their car, put on a different hat, put on a different shirt, come in and vote again. Nobody takes anything. It’s really a disgrace what’s going on.”
He then added, “If you buy a box of cereal — you have a voter ID.”
I think he means you need an ID to buy cereal not that the box of cereal becomes your voter ID, but he is President and I am not, so I should not presume. “Hey get out of line, you can’t vote without a box of Cereal.”
I am so busted! How in the Hell did the President find me out? I thought I was being so slick. Me and my fellow members of the Go Around in Circles Club were sure we had kept our secrets and that the G-Men were nowhere near smart enough to discover our means and methods. I should have known better, as he is fond of saying “I am the President, you aren’t! Woe is me!
I can feel them breathing down my back. There is nothing to do but to run. I can live on corn flakes, so all I need to take is my ID. I can hide until the heat is off and perhaps live to vote and vote again another day.
Its opening weekend, here I come Etowah Arkansas, got friends there that will help me. God Bless the Full Contact Duck Club.
Please don’t tell the Feds.