Be a Grown Gnome

We are all saddened and troubled by the deep divisions that currently have our country in their horrific grip. None of us wants things to be this way and we are indeed confounded by how our country became so fractured. Situations like this don’t develop in an instance; they simmer over a period of time, like a slow and steady sunrise, until we are blinded by their ill effects. Our current unpleasantness can be traced back decades.

In 1954 the Chicago Combustion Corporation marketed the first portable propane grill, which they called the Model AP. Since that fateful year American men have retreated into two distinct camps. Charcoal has been used to cook since the time of cavemen and many American men were insulted, threatened and angry that anyone would even suggest, much less sell a device designed to supplant this ancient and honorable method of cooking meat over fire.

Gas versus charcoal became the great American backyard debate and as it unfolded, emotions on both sides became inflamed. Many a suburban drunken backyard brawl started as a result of each side vehemently arguing their position. With no compromise contemplated, emotions were bound to give way to violence.

Fathers instilled their sons with their positions on this debate, and insisted that their families faithfully adhere to the correct side. Extended families were fractured when members became pitted, one against another, friends were lost and many traditionalists felt betrayed as the gas grill began to gain a foothold in American life.

If you thought the American Flaky versus Pate Sucree debacle was serious and vicious; it has been a happy sing-a-long compared to charcoal vs. gas. Sadly, this bitter war rages on today as passionately as when it started in the otherwise utopian 1950’s. We have seen in the ensuing years a breakdown in traditional family values and the destructive intrusion of moral relativism. It all started with the Gas vs. Charcoal wars.

Charcoal is made by burning wood in a low oxygen environment, which reduces the production of flames and causes the wood to burn at a much higher temperature burning away impurities and producing almost no ash. The result of this process is a product that is almost entirely carbon, with very few impurities, which when reignited, burns at a very high temperature and produces very little smoke.  

Interesting side note: In the 1920’s cars had lots of wood parts and Henry Ford found himself with an abundance of scrap wood. He teamed up with Thomas Edison and a guy named EB Kingsford and they developed what we now know as the charcoal pillow or briquet. Blue Bag Kingsford is still considered the gold standard in charcoal. (that’s an editorial comment)

Charcoal burns hotter than gas, so this is something we need to consider if we hope to bridge the divide. A properly developed charcoal fire should be at or near 700 degrees at the grate surface. Many charcoal advocates state with a most sincere and heartfelt conviction that food cooked over charcoal tastes better; that charcoal imparts more and better flavor than gas could ever hope to do.

Science tells us this is not quite true. If you take a gander into the bottom of your gas grill, you will see many bits and pieces of burnt food and black spots of burned liquid remains. Gas grills have metal covers over the burners where all this stuff collects as it drips off the food item being cooked. These metal covers are not hot enough to ignite what drops onto them and so they just slowly smolder.

When these same bits and pieces drop into charcoal, they are burned, turn to smoke and are returned to the food item, it is not the charcoal imparting flavor, it is the juices, bits and pieces that drop into the charcoal and are returned to the food taking their flavor profiles with them. This process which is part of the Malliard reaction is most notable with well marbled beef products and for most people not detectible in any other food product, including ground beef. Like climate change and covid, feel free to ignore the science if you just can’t accept this explanation.

Charcoal and its grills are cheap, have few, if any, moving parts and can be very portable. Gas grills are expensive, have moving parts and are difficult to relocate. Their greatest selling point is convenience; no dirty bags of charcoal, no dangerous lighter fluid that you can’t resist spraying onto the fire after it is raging and no constant attention required to maintain the proper heat.

But, if you have ever been in the middle of a grilled culinary masterpiece only to have your tank run out, you know convenience can be fickle mistress. So, in the final analysis, most of us do not have such a discerning palate that we can identify whether a particular food item was cooked with gas or charcoal, which ultimately renders this generations long argument moot. 

Heat is heat and cooking is about controlling fire. Knowing when a food is properly grilled is much more important than the heat source you use. Don’t focus on whether to use gas or charcoal, just buy a good meat thermometer.

Sharp turn!

I haven’t been to Rock City since my kids were kids, but we all went this past weekend. What I remembered about it from long ago, was what they call the Fairyland Caverns, but to my surprise, that is only a small aspect of the experience, but still the best. You walk through a rock tunnel and along the way they have cut out rock cavities where they have built large dioramas depicting different fairy tale scenes. 

At the entrance to the tunnel, the very first scene is of Gnomes working a still. Three appear to be working diligently to produce what I assume will be an excellent distilled beverage (everybody knows Gnomes make great whiskey) but in the rear of the scene, there is one that clearly is sampling too much product. Pipe dangling from his mouth, eyes barely opened and slumped over in a drunken stupor. I wondered why this was the entrance to a kid’s attraction.

After a slow meander through this magical world, I turned the last corner and, clearly, they have saved the best for last, for just prior to stepping out and into the souvenir shop I found this guy:

I’m almost certain this fella cooks with charcoal. Looks to me like he just finished a thick well marbled bone-in ribeye, perfectly grilled over a bed of red-hot coals, seared, and juicy. What else would you do after such a meal, but stretch out, enjoy your pipe and look out upon the world with a contented gaze. Not a care in the world. Let someone else do the talking, I’m just going to lay here and take it all in.

We should try to emulate this Gnome, he has been resting here at peace since the 1930’s.

Once we understand that it is the Malliard reaction that underlies the gas versus charcoal debate, we begin to see that what we have been arguing about is not even relevant to the discussion. All the backyard fistfights in America were never going to solve this debate, they weren’t even fighting over the right thing.

Maybe we need to take a step back, have a pipe and a lay down and try to find what is really underneath our current disagreements. No name calling, no demonizing, no explaining why the other guy is wrong. Let’s do what is hard, sometimes the hardest thing for any of us to do, and that is to listen. Maybe then we will discover the Malliard reaction underneath our current disagreements and we can begin to discuss what really matters.

Just thinking.

R.I.P.T.N.L.J. 8119