Its All Baloney!

Sometimes in a man’s life events unfold at such a rapid pace that he just can’t keep up. It happened to me one day last summer, and when it happens it feels like the universe is conspiring to humiliate you just because it can. Many of you have heard this, but in light of recent events, I think its instructional value is such that it bears repeating. Life’s lessons come in many forms if only we pay attention and one of the truisms of life is that God works in mysterious ways.

My wife and I were preparing to embark on our first great RV adventure. We were heading to Idaho to spend a week on the Salmon River and at last become that couple that we have all seen. Old people pulling an RV with wonton disregard for our non-renewable natural resources (9 miles per gallon baby), hop scotching across the country from RV park to RV park with all the comforts of home. A man, his lady and a 12,000-pound rig. Who says you can’t have it all. There is much to do.

After arranging things in the garage and eager to get some fresh oil in the pick up, I reached for my trusty I-Phone as I quickly made my way into the house. Instead of gripping the phone, I actually slung it across the garage slamming it to the concrete floor. The screen didn’t just break; about half of it came out. No need to panic, there is a repair shop down the street and the man said he could get the screen replaced that day and to come back at 4:30. Perfect!

Off to the Jiffy Lube. A real man takes care of his truck. Give me the best oil you got, change the air filter, top off the fluids; money is no object. I was flipping through some old magazine, confident that my attention to all things mechanical was going to pay off in a trouble free cross country jaunt, when something made me look up. My truck was half way into the bay but was not moving. I was perplexed. When I stood and looked through the window, I realized they had gotten my truck wedged against a rail and the entire Jiffy Lube crew was in deep analytical mode.

Fail to plan and you plan to fail is obviously the Jiffy Lube mantra and suffice it to say my jiffy oil change took two hours, but the damage to the truck was minimal, and the oil was free. I admit I was shaken. I decided I needed some comfort food. I stopped at the store, bought some white bread, some thick cut bologna, some dill pickle chips and some kind of yellow foodstuff resembling cheese.

Fried bologna in my mom’s cast iron skillet, white toast, cheese, mustard and pickles was just the prescription for the morning I had lived through. I was safe now, in the confines of my home, sitting on the couch and the world couldn’t touch me here. I had finished my first sandwich and was devouring the second, when my serenity was smashed by the screaming of the fire alarm. I bounded up and into the kitchen where I quickly saw that I had left the burner going and smoke was billowing out of the cast iron skillet like an industrial smoke stack.

I frantically opened all the doors, entered the code into the alarm system and turned on ceiling fans and exhaust fans to try and thin the fog that was filling the entire house. For some reason the alarm kept going off, I think a total of four times. At last, I guess the smoke dissipated to the point where it quit trying to make my ears bleed. At last, I returned to my second sandwich, but the comfort I was hoping for was greatly diminished. Just as I was finishing I looked up and saw two firemen in the back yard. It was then that I realized I did not have a phone so the alarm company couldn’t get in touch with me and so with their usual due diligence they dispatched the fire department to douse my stupidity.

Firemen and cops look so young these days and luckily the young men in my backyard were evidently trained to be patient with old people so when I explained that my wife had a cooking incident in the kitchen, they wished me a good day and repaired to their very cool truck.

Events in 45’s life are unfolding at a breakneck pace right now and he seems to be having trouble keeping up. Looks like it started when he fired FBI Director James Comey. While it was an unusual decision, it was in keeping with his authority as President, he realized he needed to explain it to the people, so he sent Mike Pence, Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway out to reassure the masses. Here is what Pence said the next morning.

“Let me be very clear that the President’s decision to accept the recommendation of the deputy attorney general and the attorney general to remove Director Comey as the head of the FBI was based solely and exclusively on his commitment to the best interests of the American people and to ensuring that the FBI has the trust and confidence of the people this nation,”

 Well-said Mike, very clear. Not much room for confusion when you use words like solely and exclusively. Kellyanne was just as definite when she declared:

“This has nothing to do with Russia, Somebody must be getting $50 every time (Russia) is said on TV. … (This) has everything to do with whether the current FBI director has the President’s confidence and can faithfully execute his duties.”

So far, so good. If you don’t have the confidence of your boss you are probably not going to have the confidence of your boss’s boss or the confidence of the American people. Time to go. But then 45 goes on TV and says this:

“He had made a recommendation. But regardless of recommendation, I was going to fire Comey knowing there was no good time to do it.”

“And in fact, when I decided to just do it, I said to myself — I said, you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made-up story. It’s an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should’ve won.”

I bet Pence had that same gut wrenching feeling I had when I exploded my phone on the garage floor. Dude, are you really saying this right now? How’s the view under that bus Mike? Not to worry, the Russians are coming for a visit tomorrow and all this will blow over when the world sees how 45 handles them. On second thought, no American press allowed and the Russians say they won’t release anything so we can let their press in.

“Hey, you guys want to hear a secret?”

Вы можете в это поверить – Can you believe this guy?

мы попали в лотерею – We hit the lottery!

Hey com’on, guys What’s so funny?

When the Russians released multiple photos of the meeting, the Americans were somewhat perplexed. According to CNN’s Jim Acosta, U.S. officials said that the Russians “tricked” the authorities. “They lie,” the official said.

This is where we are!

Washington Post: Trump Leaked Classified Info to Russia.

Just keeps getting better!

Friday morning May 12, 7:30AM: After a good night’s sleep 45 says to himself that the Russian meeting didn’t quite pan out like he had hoped. Time for tweeting. That will clean up this mess and show everyone who’s running this outfit.

“James Comey better hope that there are no “tapes” of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!”

You have got to be kidding!

My conservative friends suggest to me that I should watch Fox news, because they give the true account of events, they are fair and balanced. So I give it a try.  Here’s a recap. All of this is a media feeding frenzy, much ado about nothing apparently. The liberal media wants to destroy this President and are creating one crisis after another to bring him down. There is no evidence that this President has done anything wrong, committed any crime or has any agenda other than serving the American people by instituting sound, common sense conservative principles just like the American people elected him to do. Its all designed to divert the attention of the President and the American people so that he will not be able to pursue his conservative agenda. Liberals are evil.

If that is the true account of what is happening, the liberal media is succeeding spectacularly.

Mike Pence, Kellyanne Conway, Sean Spicer say one thing, the President almost immediately says something to contradict them. How did you do that, liberal media?

45 intimates that he might be surreptitiously taping the Director of the FBI and is prepared to use those tapes to discredit him. Who in the liberal media thought that one up?

I believe history will record that 45 was elected because he was not a politician and in theory that may be a good idea. Americans are sick and tired of political double talk and a do nothing legislative branch. Good hard-working Americans are fed up with a Federal Government that resembles an octopus: its tentacles reaching into every aspect of their lives, but with no backbone. No voice for working people, but an unlimited supply of Oxycontin. 45 said he would drain the swamp and I agree the swamp needs draining, but the liberal media did not create the events of the past week, they were in fact self-inflicted calamities. And they should concern us all, no matter our political leanings.

This is not “fake news”, this is what is happening and it is not productive and it is certainly not unifying.. This is smashing your phone on the garage floor because you are in a hurry. This is choosing the worlds skinniest Jiffy Lube. This is trying to melt a cast iron skillet while you throw down on some thick cut bologna. This is having fireman wandering all over your yard, all before noon. I now use a different Jiffy Lube, one with a big parking lot and wide bay doors, I remind myself to check the stove burner and I put the death grip on the phone every time I pick it up. At least that is my intention.

A man can’t improve himself or correct his mistakes if he can’t reflect on his shortcomings or even admit that he has made mistakes. My concern with 45 is that his life philosophy seems to be to no matter what, claim victory, never back down and never ever admit you have regrets. That may work well in private business but this man needs to learn how to do this job. He is on the world stage now, everyone on the planet is watching, what he says matters and I am afraid without some serious self-reflection, we are going to continue to see these self-imposed distractions.

Look, I am not really excited about living in the world that Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell and 45 want to create, but the people have spoken and I accept that. I don’t have to support it. We just spent eight years with a President that according to these guys did not have one good idea and consequently nothing, nada, niltch, got done. We can’t have another gridlocked Presidential term.  Can we please get something, anything done?

Please Mr. President, open your mind and your heart and especially open your ears. The American people deserve to have you working on their behalf and not constantly throwing flowers at yourself.

That felt good.

Thanks and love to all!